funny quotes with cats

There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working. ~Robert Half



I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. ~Author Unknown



Christianity is not a religion; it's an industry. ~Author Unknown



Some people are so boring that they make you waste an entire day in five minutes. ~Jules Renard



The real problem of leisure time is how to keep others from using yours. ~Arthur Lacey



This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. ~Jim Lemon



I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you. ~Bill Walton



Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~Dr. Alexis Carrel



If you start to think about your physical or moral condition, you usually find that you are sick. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Proverbs in Prose



If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. ~Author Unknown



Good people get cheated, just as good horses get ridden. ~Chinese Proverb



I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~Douglas Adams



The money's no better in retirement but the hours are! ~Anonymous



You can't see Canada across lake Erie, but you know it's there. It's the same with spring. You have to have faith, especially in Cleveland. ~Paul Fleischman



I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either. ~Dave Barry



I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you dislike? ~Jean Cocteau



Let's not become so worried about not offending anybody that we lose the ability to distinguish between respect and paranoia. ~Larry King, about political correctness, How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication



Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquillity. ~James Thurber



How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? ~Matt Groening, The Simpsons, spoken by the character Homer



A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. ~Author Unknown