quotes on life funny

I was told that whistling wasn't ladylike, but I knew even then that women were simply not supposed to be that happy. ~Anonymous, quoted in Kindling the Spirit by Lois P. Frankel



Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons. ~Dave Barry



Poverty, Frost, Famine, Rain, Disease, are the beadles and guardsmen that hold us to Common Sense. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~Franklin P. Jones



With all its ups and downs, skipping is just one more metaphor for life. ~Jessi Lane Adams



They never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation. ~Jerome K. Jerome



England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example. ~Robert Benchley England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example. ~Robert Benchley



Human-like creatures have existed on this planet for as long as four million years, and for roughly 99 percent of this time, they were hunters and gatherers.... This means that when we're sitting down to lunch, our stone-age bodies "expect" to be fed the same types and ratios of fat that nourished our cave-dwelling ancestors. When we eat French fries cooked in partially hydrogenated vegetable oil instead of wild plants; or wolf down a fat-laden hamburger heaped with mayonnaise instead of meat from a lean, free-ranging game animal, our bodies register the insult. ~Artemis P. Simopoulos and Jo Robinson, The Omega Diet, 1999



Faith is spiritualized imagination. ~Henry Ward Beecher



Man will survive as a species for one reason: He can adapt to the destructive effects of our power-intoxicated technology and of our ungoverned population growth, to the dirt, pollution and noise of a New York or Tokyo. And that is the tragedy. It is not man the ecological crisis threatens to destroy but the quality of human life. ~Rene Dubos, quoted in Life, 28 July 1970



Fire in the heart sends smoke into the head. ~Proverb



The quoting of an aphorism, like the angry barking of a dog or the smell of overcooked broccoli, rarely indicates that something helpful is about to happen. ~Lemony Snicket



If food is your best friend, it's also your worst enemy. ~Edward "Grandpa" Jones, 1978



It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. ~Andrew J. Holmes, Wisdom in Small Doses



To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring. ~George Santayana



Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. ~Frank Burns, "Bulletin Board," original airdate 14 January 1975, written by Larry Gelbart, directed by Alan Alda



And upsidedown in the earth a dead man walks upon my soles when I walk. ~Bill Knott, "(End) of Summer (1966)" (Thanks, Laurie)



All art is autobiographical; the pearl is the oyster's autobiography. ~Federico Fellini



No woman wants an abortion. Either she wants a child or she wishes to avoid pregnancy. ~Author Unknown



Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. ~William James Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. ~William James