poems for haters

I will not permit thirty men to travel four hundred miles to agitate a bag of wind. ~Andrew Dickson White



I... recommend to every one of my Readers, the keeping a Journal of their Lives for one Week, and setting down punctually their whole Series of Employments during that Space of Time. This kind of Self-Examination would give them a true State of themselves, and incline them to consider seriously what they are about. One Day would rectifie the Omissions of another, and make a Man weigh all those indifferent Actions, which, though they are easily forgotten, must certainly be accounted for. ~Joseph Addison, 1712



I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr, "Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall," The Snake Has All the Lines, 1958



If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library? ~Lily Tomlin



There is much to be said for failure. It is more interesting than success. ~Max Beerbohm, Mainly on the Air, 1946



He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly. ~B.C. Forbes



No man ought to lay a cross upon himself, or to adopt tribulation, as is done in popedom; but if a cross or tribulation come upon him, then let him suffer it patiently, and know that it is good and profitable for him. ~Martin Luther



With innovation and technology, seems we have forgotten to cherish the true beauty the world has to offer. ~A.C. Van Cherub



I didn't want my picture taken because I was going to cry. I didn't know why I was going to cry, but I knew that if anybody spoke to me or looked at me too closely the tears would fly out of my eyes and the sobs would fly out of my throat and I'd cry for a week. I could feel the tears brimming and sloshing in me like water in a glass that is unsteady and too full. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar



The flat tax would be so simple, you could fill it out on a post card. A post card that would say, in effect, having a wonderful time; glad most of my money is here. ~Steve Forbes



Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966



We never repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825



He's a wonderful talker, who has the art of telling you nothing in a great harangue. ~Jean Baptiste Moliere, Le Misanthrope



How can you be a sage if you're pretty? You can't get your wizard papers without wrinkles. ~Bill Veeck



Arm ourselves for war? No! All the arms we need are for hugging. ~Author Unknown



Tobacco, divine, rare superexcellent tobacco, which goes far beyond all panaceas, potable gold and philosopher's stones, a sovereign remedy to all diseases. ~Robert Burton, Anatomy of Melancholy



Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go. ~Truman Capote



It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem. ~G.K. Chesterton



A human being: an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing. ~Christopher Morley, Human Being



Never trust a skinny ice cream man. ~Ben Cohen